Courageous Lightbearer, Compelling fragrance
Of Offenses, Apologies, and Reconciliation in Marriage

Of Offenses, Apologies, and Reconciliation in Marriage

Many years ago, prior to marriage, I encountered the Cross of Jesus Christ. Zacharias Tanee Fomum, Watchman Nee, and T. Austin-Sparks were the most direct instruments by which I came into this experience.

One of the things the Cross does is that it tears away the facades and gets at the root of all matters. It ensures you have a heart-deep faith that has no guile within it.

It was at this point I first started learning to truly exercise myself daily to have a conscience void of offense toward God and toward man. Why? Because, with the Cross, one’s life is lived in the light just as God is in the light. It was also at this point, I learnt to truly apologise when I hurt or offended someone. But it went beyond that, I had to learn to make excuses for people when they hurt me and, sometimes, even apologize to them when they were in the wrong. There were times I had to prostrate while tendering my apologies to contemporaries and junior ones. Going down on the floor was like going down into death. No less painful and devastating were the times when it was that “simple” ‘I am sorry’, I had to say. But though He (Christ) was crucified in weakness, yet now He liveth by the power of God! That’s the same testimony that those who go down into death come to experience; they now live by the POWER OF GOD!

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.

I had no clue that this painful and sometimes nigh impossible path was preparing me for marriage as well.

Temi and I have had potentially explosive situations on our hands when the capacity to say “I’m really sorry” made the difference. There have been instances when my “I’m sorry” were more like, “Let me be” and the Holy Spirit will not allow me rest until I pondered deep enough and realized why I needed to be sorry and that led to my “I’m sorry” becoming a genuine one that oozed the fragrance of His life, thus leading to reconciliation.

You don’t automatically become able to genuinely apologize to your spouse. You learn it. It’s a process you have to apply your heart to now.

If you have prided yourself on being able to always explain your fault away or always made people appear foolish when they expected an apology for you, you may simply be setting up yourself for a difficult time in marriage.

The Cross deals with a person’s pride. It strips you of your egotistical attitude. It begins with you able to truly and sincerely apologize to superiors, contemporaries, and subordinates. It requires you to own up without perambulation. It’s not buying of gifts, effusive compliments, or unbridled flattery that equals to apologies; an apology must be an apology for it to keep your heart tender and for your spouse to trust you to always do right by him/her. It mustn’t be a facetious one so that you can get what you want quickly; men may find this happens to them especially when they desire intimacy with their wives and women may find this happens especially when they need to get something from their husbands. Don’t allow your heart be calloused and hardened unto deception. Pay the price now!

This “little” matter has cost so many their marriages but here is a word in time to secure your future.

– JD,


NB. The Father has graciously released me to make available to His people a book on marriage titled Vision-Driven Marriage as well as a 6-part series on marriage (mp3). Included also is a message on Hearing God.

To be notified when the book is available for download this Friday, 29th May 2020. Join the waiting list


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